What We Can Learn About Networking from Horses
Recently, I had the opportunity to join a number of other local coaches in an amazing endeavor. We drove half an hour west of Des Moines to experience a unique approach to coaching by interacting with horses! (Looking for a team building or leadership development activity? I highly recommend Full Circle.)
Not sure exactly what to expect, I just told my wife that we were going horse-back riding. It could not have been further from the truth.
I arrived around mid-morning on what was promising to be another extremely hot Iowa day. As the other coaches arrived, we made small talk waiting for the activities to begin. After a short introduction, we were led into the pasture and given just two pieces of information:
If you need to walk near the end of the horse, stay near the rump or five feet behind them.
Think of this as a networking event.
Thanks to Kim Gratny and Cindy Kool for the photos.
Now, go meet the horses.
Wait, what? I’m being sent out into this field with these beautiful creatures without any introduction or example of how to do this?
Hearing the term “networking event,” I put that cap on. And suddenly found myself acting like I usually do at such events: I hung back a little, trying to make eye contact with one of the horses. A few of them were in small groups; others, mingling about on their own. Likewise, some of the coaches grouped together while others of us separated from the crowd. And, much like a networking event, it was hard for me to approach any of the horses. Even the single ones seemed “busy” eating their hay.
I walked up to one and awkwardly introduced myself. Since we couldn’t shake hands, I reached out and pet its front flake. The horse lifted its head a bit, looked at me, and then returned to its snack. We had been told horses were very empathetic and will reflect the vibe you’re giving off. Like a networking event, I was a little hesitant and unsure of myself.
So, I made the next step. I invited a few of the other coaches over to meet “my” horse. Then, feeling more confident, I moved onto another horse. And then a third. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t getting easier for me. I was just getting comfortable in my uncomfortable.
After a few minutes, we circled around the facilitators, Kim and Cindy, to lead us through a conversation. I opened up initially and shared my experience, as described above. The anxiety of introducing myself. The awkwardness of struggling to initiate conversation with a stranger. The criticism of “why aren’t I better at this?” Being honest and vulnerable allowed for other coaches to join in the discussion and share their experience and feelings.
At the end of the morning, we gathered again in the barn and given time to reflect on what we learned.
Thanks to Kim Gratny and Cindy Kool for the photos.
One discovery I made is that it's okay to be the one to step up, break the ice, and initiate conversation. As an improvisor who leans towards extrovert, this is actually really hard for me to do. There’s still this shy boy deep down that has tremendous power over me. Without a “wing man” to help break the ice with someone new, I tend to hold back.
So, I’m working on being the initiator at networking events. The horses I met didn’t bite me, and once we made the introductions, they were wonderful to be around. Just like all of us at a networking event.
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