I Like Your Shoes
In the movie “The American President,” Michael Douglas pays the President of the U.S. A widower, he’s still a father to his teenage daughter. He becomes smitten with Annette Bening’s character and the start dating. He’s really nervous for his first date, and his daughter offers the advice to compliment her shoes.
“Nice shoes,” he tells her, and Annette Bening lights up.
I had students who would change their hair monthly. A friend of mine changes her hair quite frequently. In both cases, sometimes, they let it grow out or buzz one side or add bright, eye-catching colors. Sometimes the hair is pink that fades to purple that dissolves into a bright blue. Other times, it’s green all over. You never know what you’re going to get! Everytime I notice something new, I offer “I like what you’re doing with your hair.” They always light up.
A few weeks ago, I saw a guy in the grocery store with a Black Lives Matter mask on. It’s design was pretty unique and one I hadn’t seen before. “Sir? I really like your mask,” I told him, with all sincerity. “Thanks,” he responded. and lit up.
It doesn’t take much to offer a sincere compliment. It doesn’t take much to offer to anyone, a spouse, a child, a friend, even a complete stranger, an honest, real compliment, with no strings attached. No expectation of reciprocation. No expectation of anything else than just a compliment.
Think about the last time you received a compliment. Or, better yet, when you gave one.
Why does it mean so much?
In that moment,we’re telling that person “I see you.” Not as just another body working to survive this crazy world. Not just another student sitting in this classroom. Not just another stranger shopping for the limited edition of Lady Gaga Oreos. In that briefest of moments, we’re making a connection and actually recognizing the person, the individual, in their whole sense. It can be a small moment of vulnerability and honesty.
And for some, they rarely experience that: that feeling of being seen for who they are. That can mean so much. It may be the difference between another lousy day and yeah, this was a good day. It’s a simple way to spread positivity that has a domino affect of spreading more positivity.
What’s it do for us? The complimenter? In a similar fashion, we releasing those natural, “feel-good” chemicals we all have - dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. They help relieve stress, amongst many other positive side-affects. Mentally and emotionally, we’ve helped someone have a moment. That feels pretty good. We’ve done good today. A simple compliment is not only good to hear, it’s also good to express.
Give it a try. Next time you’re out and about, find something to compliment the checker at the store, the waiter at the restaurant, your teenage that just got a striped mohawk. Pay attention to their reaction, and pay attention to your own reaction.
By the way, thanks for reading. You have nice eyes.
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