Be the Bringer of Joy
In a recent podcast episode of Above Average Podcast, my buddy Travis Crutcher talks about “active constructive responding” and not being a “joy thief.” It’s a powerful listen. Seriously, give yourself 30 minutes. I’ll wait.
Good, you’re back. Travis, amirite?!
I was reflecting on the episode myself. Looking back through my life, I know there were times, maybe too many, where I was the Joy Thief.
“Your Joy or your life!”
The Joy Thief shows himself in many different ways. Sometimes, he appears when someone shares their dreams or ideas. The first thing out of my mouth is “Good luck!” or “How’s that working out for you?” Ouch, brutal.
Joy Thief also shows up when someone wants to share something important with you. Something important to them. Here’s a story:
I am a big, life-long fan of the band Rush. Like, my Rush collection will be buried with me when I die. Like, I wanted to name my boys “Geddy Alex Neil Van Haecke.” My lone tattoo is a lyric from a Rush song.
There’s a running joke in the community that one mission of Rush fans is to convert other fans. I converted my brothers. They, in turn, converted their friends.
For the Counterparts tour, a group of us took a road-trip down to Kansas City for the show. We gathered at my parent’s house before taking off.
Matt, one of my brother’s friends, came up to me with the Burning for Buddy CD, a solo project by Neil Peart. “Joe, Joe! Check it out - Burning for Buddy! Neil Peart!” He was excited and enthusiastic to share that news with me.
“I will crush you.”
Enter the Joy Thief: with a pompous tone, I said “Yeah, I know, Matt.”
He was crushed.
I didn’t recognize it at the time. Now, however, it’s one of those moments that flashes into memory occasionally. Sometimes, I embarrassed by the person I was.
Active constructive responding asks us to respond in an enthusiastic, honest, authentic way while being positive and support of the other person. Give the other person space to share their dreams, their goals, their excitement. Giving that space builds relationships. It doesn’t take much, just be authentically curious and supportive.
Ask honest questions. Don’t know how? Here’s a small trick I’ve learned: repeat the last few words as a question.
“Joe, I want to be a movie star!”
“A movie star?”
We’re now providing space for them to continue to share their dream, their ideas, their passion. You’re also building connections and relationships. Then, take the time to be genuinely supportive and positive.
One of my most cherished moments from teaching happened at the end of the year. On Class Day, the seniors are honored and recognized in the school. It’s usually a few days before the graduation ceremony. Afterward, seniors are released and the remaining day returns to normal. It can be an emotional day for everyone. Near the end of the last class, my door swings open and in walk four of my former students. I joke with them “Why are you still here? You’re done, you can go!”
“Ah, we’re just hanging out, talking with teachers….”
Now, it’s getting real. I can see the tears start to well up. In them. Not me. Not me! So, tears are there, smiles are big, the future is bright. “Mr. V, we just wanted to say thank you. You’re the most positive teacher and it means a lot to us. Thank you.”
Be the opposite of Joy Thief. Be the Bringer of Joy. Be authentic and genuine and supportive and positive. Create space so others can also be Bringers of Joy.
I brought you a gift: a lifetime’s supply of Joy.