How Do I Do That?
We discussed that it’s okay to ask for help and recognizing when to ask for help. Of course, the next question becomes “how do I ask for help?”
Look at that - you just did!
Seriously, though, I find figuring out how to ask can be challenging. It opens us up to be vulnerable - something difficult in and of itself. Like I mentioned before, we’re concerned about looking weak or out of place. The Inner Critic, the Imposter, the Judge, they all love this time. It’s their time to shine. Don’t listen to them! If you need to practice, go ahead and practice. Or just think about what your intentions, what do you want or need to get out of asking for help. And try to be specific:
“I need help.” Okay, that’s a good start. At least you’re comfortable with that. I used to hear that from my students. As you can guess, my response is “Okay, ...with what?” “Everything!” ...hmm, that’s challenging. As someone who wants to help, I need a little help for my help. I need a starting place. Let’s try again.
“I need help with my website.” Oh, okay. I can work with that. I now have a starting point and can ask follow up questions: “What aspect of your website? The design? Writing or organizing copy? Nailing your story?” We can work together now. If it’s something out of my wheelhouse or bailiwick, I’ll be honest and let you know. (Trust me, design or artwork is not my forte. I can’t even draw a stick-person!) However, maybe I know someone who can help.
“I need help writing copy for the speaking section of my website.” Boom! Now I know exactly what you need! Again, if I feel that’s in my wheelhouse, let’s get some time together and really get into what help you want or need. Maybe that’s not me. Let me think of anyone I know. Maybe my plate is full at the moment, and I need to be strong and mature enough to say “Honestly, I’d love to help, yet my plate is full at the moment. How high a priority is this for you? I can think of some other people that may be able to help better than I can at the moment.”
My baby brother doesn’t like the word “help.” He’s concerned that it sounds weak somehow or like you’re begging if you use the actual word. Or if you’re starting a business, asking for help may be off-putting to potential clients. While I can sympathize with his opinion, I don’t know that I agree. If you’re like my brother, maybe your “ask” sounds different.
Here are some suggestions on how to ask for help without “asking for help:”
I just finished a web site! Could you provide some feedback?
I have this idea - what do you think?
Thanks for your time; who else should I be talking to?
This piano is really heavy. Do you think you could lift it off my legs?
Would you be able to introduce me to two people who are involved in leadership development?
How are you getting so much traction on (insert social network here)?
Being vulnerable isn’t a weakness; it’s a show of strength. Asking for help isn’t a weakness; it’s a show of strength. Be bold, be brave, be courageous. Find a way that’s comfortable for you to ask for help.
